“Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for the answers to come to you." - Eckhart Tolle
It’s been a little over a week since I left my life in NYC and boarded a plane that paved the path to a new chapter in my life. There’s a lot of excitement fueling this change, but there’s also its fair share of fears and insecurities.
Despite how I may come off, I actually find it very difficult to relax. I’m an overthinker who thrives in sequential thinking, feeds off goal-setting, and gains arguably way too much satisfaction from making to-do lists.
New York was awesome because, in my opinion, it’s made for overthinkers. With endless possibilities, come endless ways to scheme how to “make it” in this wild city. New York gave me more than enough to do and think about, which worked out pretty well for me. So naturally, the overthinking has seeped into how I’ve approached planning for the upcoming months.
I’ve overthought every angle of my adventure - what I’m doing, how I’m doing it and, most importantly, why I’m doing it. I’ve dug a hole for myself seeking a deep purpose for every destination, every moment, and every small decision, accidentally causing me to fall into the occasional bite-sized panic that makes me question everything I’ve ever done in the history of ever.
Luckily, I’ve developed enough self-awareness to understand where all these thoughts stem from:a deeply-rooted insecurity of chasing something superficial and being unable to fill this experience with any substantial purpose.
Now don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe traveling, in any form and for any length of time, is incredibly valuable. But I didn’t quit my dream job, abandon my belongings, say goodbye to all my friends, and walk away from an incredible life just so I could go on an extended trip. This is about much more than checking the box on doing the whole backpacking thing and seeing pretty landscapes; it’s about paving the path for the next stage of my life. I don’t want more vacations, I want a lifestyle.
I’ve spent the past few weeks running circles in my own head, outlining actionable steps I can take on my experience to fill it with purpose, drafting elaborate visions of what the most actualized version of myself looks like, and obsessing whether I’m going to the “right” places at the “right” times.
In a moment of lucidity, I snapped out of my trance and came up for air only to find myself in a very familiar place where I’ve been many, many times before - I'd fallen into the trap of hyper-focusing on a goal so much that I was forgetting to have fun, enjoy the process, and live my fucking life. Classic overthinker move.
But this time, I caught myself before the quicksand sucked me in - there’s still hope for this one.
Unbeknownst to you, by signing up for this newsletter you’ve also sworn undying, unwavering, and unconditional loyalty as my unofficial accountability group. Many thanks in advance for your support.
So here it goes...
For the first two weeks of this adventure, I promise to make the most conscious of efforts to put all the thoughts, aspirations, and insecurities that have been consuming my brain on hold so I can do two things: let go and breathe in something new.
I’ve officially entered uncharted territory, where there’s no instructions or ways of knowing what will come - and that’s the way it should be. I want the uncertainty, I want the surprises, I want the curveballs that will make me reconsider everything I’ve thought about everything. And I want to soak in every minute of it.
Over the next few months, I’ll be living in a constant state of newness - every morning I’ll wake up to somewhere new, with new people to meet, new places to explore, new food to eat, and endless opportunities of new things to experience. During this time, overthinking will just slow me down. What will serve me the most is to shed as much as I can, surrender to the uncertainty, and face my hardest challenge to date: underthink.
New York has filled me with so many unforgettable experiences, enabled me to make lifelong friendships with incredible people, and given this island girl an opportunity to soar to some pretty sweet heights. But New York has also bred me into a seasoned overthinker, and there are some layers of this I want to shed throughout this journey.
If you’re reading this, I just want to say thank you. Knowing I have a group of people who genuinely care about this journey I've embarked on makes me feel like I can really accomplish any and all crazy ambitions. Each one of you has taught me something valuable and inspired me to be a better person, and that’s something I’ll take with me everywhere I go. Now I’ll leave you before I start overthinking how to underthink.
Hasta la próxima,